Another day. Same question. Am I a good mom?
I feel every mother faces this question at least once in their life. I look around and see my children have smiles and laughter, we have a roof and good food to eat, they have clean clothes and attend decent schools. So why do I feel the need to question myself when clearly, they are being provided for.
I believe the question can go deeper than just what is physically presented. I feel one of the best parenting practices is when those who are struggling or dealing with many pressures and still find a way to ensure their children never know it. That is how I was raised.
It was not until well into my adulthood that my father, who raised me and my brothers as a single dad, and I had a conversation about life. Having children of my own, I finally understand a lot of the decisions that he had to make. Here’s one example…
As a child I hated moving. I had 3 elementary schools and 3 middle schools before we were finally able to purchase a home and I completed high school in one location.
I thought I would never have to move my children that many times because I hated it, but that’s not how life works. Ironically my daughter has also attended 3 different elementary schools, and it was due to nothing less than, life.
My questioning of myself as a good mom is solely surrounded by their emotional and mental wellbeing. I know I can feed, clothe, and house them, but how are they feeling?
Am I creating a childhood worth remembering? What do they think of me as their parent? What could I do better to make them feel more supported.
I have swallowed myself up in these thoughts and sometimes they get overwhelming. At times I put my own self-care to the side to make sure that I am being considerate of what they may feel.
Could I be projecting? I am pretty sure that I am as my children are only 6, 3, and 2. Am I wrong for prioritizing their emotional and mental wellbeing? I don’t think so.
I do my best to give them themed birthdays, weekend trips, day activities, as often as I can afford, but this mama is tired sometimes. And it is that feeling that opens the door for mom guilt to come right in.
What is Mom Guilt?
It refers to the feelings of anxiousness or self-doubt that many mothers experience regarding their parenting decisions. It can arise from the pressure to be a perfect parent, which can be worsened by comparisons to others or unrealistic standards set by society. These feelings can impact your self-esteem and mental well-being.
How to Manage It:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize that it’s normal to feel guilty sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Don’t forget to treat yourself with kindness and understanding just as you would a family member or friend going through something similar. Remember that you are doing the best you can with the resources and knowledge you have.
- Focus on the Positives: Reflect on the little things that you are doing well as a mother and be sure to celebrate all achievements whether they be big or small.
- Take Breaks: It’s important to prioritize self-care. Take breaks when you need them and engage in activities that recharge you, whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or practicing mindfulness. Check out my post for more ways to practice self-care here.
- Release the Idea of Perfectionism: Perfection is unattainable, and it is ok to make mistakes. What matters the most is the love you give and your presence in your children’s lives. Be sure to set realistic expectations for yourself and your family.
- Remember your Values: Remind yourself of why you make the decisions you do as a parent and trust your instincts. You may not have all the answers
- Focus on Quality Time: Instead of worrying about the quantity of time you spend with your children, focus on making the time you do spend together meaningful and enjoyable.
- Seek Support: Talk to other moms who may be experiencing similar feelings. Sharing your experiences can help you feel less alone and provide valuable perspective. If mom guilt is significantly impacting your well-being, please consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist who can provide additional support and teach you effective coping strategies.
I had to learn that it is not wrong to feel tired. Even with a support system, parenting takes a lot out of you.
So, if no one tells you I will, you are a great parent! You are giving all you can to your mini to ensure they can and will be the most successful person they can be. The mere fact that you are concerned about how you are parenting means you are a great parent.
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Ultimately, remember that being a good mom doesn’t mean being perfect. It means doing your best with love and compassion for yourself and your children.
Always, Tiffany
